Dear Fourteen Year Old Me

Prompt: Write a letter to your 14 year-old self.

Dear 14 y/o me,

It’s going to be alright. Right now, it feels like creepy things lurk behind every corner, waiting for you to let your guard down so they can attack. But you’re a teenager; that’s how you’re supposed to feel.

Of course, it doesn’t help that when you come home, you feel even more trapped than you did to begin with. You’re bundled in your own misery, and everyone else is bundled up in theirs. Just turn up the music and block it out. That always seems to help.

So do walks, by the way. You’ll learn to love your long walks where you can breathe and finally find some quiet in which to think. Organizing your thoughts will soon become something that is very important to you.

You will soon also find your niche. It’s been right here, in front of your nose the whole time. Open your journal and read your work. You’re a natural at this. Soon you’ll realize you want to make writing a career.

Your friends are going to come and go. The ones you recently decided to let go of was for the better. You’re about to meet a whole set of new ones. Some of them are going to hurt you as well, but others you will keep in your life for as long as you decide you want them there. Just try to make sure that you don’t feel one way, while your friend feels the other. There is one in particular who is really going to bite you in the ass eight years from now. Of course, I won’t tell you who he is. You need to experience that heartbreak.

You will never stop learning things the hard way.

In just four days, you’re going to meet your high school sweetheart. He’ll be that shoulder you’ve craved. His home will be a warm one, reminding you that the grass is in fact greener on the other side. He’s going to help you break out of your shell. Don’t fight him on this. Growing up is inevitable.

Let your creativity shine. You’re more artistic than you think. At the moment, everything is shaded in black and gray, but in a few short years, you’ll slowly begin adding color back into your life. I think, however, it’s safe to say you’ll always despise yellow. It’s too bright of a color for someone like us.

Don’t worry about your parents. These precious years belong to you, and it’s time to focus on yourself. They are hopeless. Even their divorce wont stop them from tearing each other apart. Just understand that it’s time for you to back off. You’re getting caught up in their crossfire, and you’ve got your own battles to fight.

I’m serious. The road to recovery is long one, but you’re a dedicated individual who knows what it is to work hard. You don’t realize it yet, but you do possess that trait. In time, you’re going to learn how to forgive, and you’re going to learn how to love.

And as for this terrible thing that just happened to you; it’s going to be okay. Seven years from now, you’re going to wake up and decide that you don’t want to be the victim anymore. And just like that, you’re going to let it go.

Just remember that everything in life is fluid. Nothing ever stays the same. Nothing.

Learn how to roll with the punches. Stop trying to make it all go your way. You are just a small composition of atoms in a giant universe. If you remember that, you’ll come into your own. You’ll relinquish some beliefs, and you’ll gain new ones. Be true to yourself, and you’ll make the right choices.

March to the beat of your drum. You’ve been doing it already for fourteen years, but don’t stop now. You’ll cherish your individuality when the rest of the world follows the crowd. They can’t think for themselves, but you can. Just try not to hate them for it. It’s not their fault.

I know more than anyone the way you hate taking people’s advice. But please, there are ten years of growth between us; who else could offer such a guiding hand than me? I am you, but ten years older.

You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to break ties with old friends and you’re going to forge new ones. Soon, there wont be anything to hold you back. You’ll do what your heart desires, and you’ll achieve all you set out to accomplish. Right now, you’re a force to be reckoned with. This will still be true in ten years, but your power right now is spread out in all directions. Channel it. Make it yours. In ten years, you’ll have direction and it will help you blaze your path.

There’s a heavy fog right now. You’re constantly feeling your way through the dark. You need to go through the motions. Right now, you are at your lowest point. From here on, everything is uphill. Just remember the climb isn’t always easy.

I promise you, April, everything is going to be alright.

Yours truly,
24 y/o me